Ups and Downs

For the first 2 weeks, I personally had a pretty smooth time. I fought a common cold and a cut on my foot but no big deal. 

The same could not be said for everyone else. Many had their emotions pour out in different ways. I saw at least 7 or 8 people breaking down and crying in the middle of random meditation or asana practice. At least 5 people either openly admitted or confided with me that they were ready to go home after the first day because they didn't think they would be able to handle the intensity. Just 2 days ago on the 15th day here one woman broke down and claimed she had no business being here after thinking she gave a poor teaching performance (which was promptly refuted by her students). 

Point is, this shit is emotionally and mentally challenging. Everyone here has some baggage that they've brought with them and sooner or later it comes out. 

I didn't get frustrated until today. 

Even though I just got the scorpion yesterday, I also tweaked a muscle in my left abdomen. I think it's my internal oblique. We are pretty sure it got hurt from me stretching too far when I bring my left leg back during sun salutations. No matter how I got it hurt, it sucks.  As the day went on, the pain got worse and worse. It's fine when I'm sitting/standing/laying still, but as soon as I make a quick movement, it feels like knives being shoved into my side. 

I was hoping to sleep it off as though it was a cramp but no luck.

In today's classes, I was incredibly frustrated because half the poses created a pain sensation that I couldn't bear. This inability to complete simple physical feats really pissed me off. I couldn't relax, and I pushed myself to do everything, just aggravating it. 

Not good. 

Add to this injury the fact that it had web raining nonstop for 48 hours and we recently had what seems like a flying spider infestation outside our front door, and today was my shit day. 

So after about 30 minutes of just being generally upset, I decided to do something about it. I know that physically I can't do much, but I needed to straighten myself out mentally. I talked to swami and a couple teachers during dinner and they made me feel much better.  I also got some tiger balm and I'm optimistic that my current state of healthiness and advanced immune and repair systems will expedite my recovery. 

After dinner, we attended satsang with the entire ashram (first time we had done this) - usually it's just the ttc course alone, but this time it was with like 50 more proper yogic folks who chanted and sang like crazy. It was a pretty awesome experience and through the entire 90 minutes I had forgotten I even had any pain. 

Heading to bed now much happier than I would have been had the last 4 hours not transpired as they did. And oh man tigerbalm how I've missed thee!