Bugs

When I was 15-16 years old, whenever I was bored, I used to go out into my backyard in corona with a fly swatter and just go on a massacre. I would easily kill 30-40 flies in 15 minutes until there were no more, and then an hour later go and repeat it. Of course the flies would always come back despite all their dead brethren lying on the ground beneath them.

I really hate insects. I am a huge bug killer. While I fully realize that it's impossible to eradicate all bugs, every bug that I see is a potential mosquito that could bite me or a cockroach that could crawl on my face, and if they are dead, then on some level, I am lessening my chance of being violated and therefore making myself better off.

Which brings me to this ashram. We are in the middle of the Himalayan forest. There's a fair amount of bugs here. I want to kill every one, especially the flies that land all over my face and ears while I'm trying to do a tough pose or relax or meditate. There are also these physically challenged giant cockroach-thingies that apparently can't figure out how to get on their feet because they are always stuck on their backs waving their legs in agony making a futile attempt to right themselves. And I've certainly sent a fair amount of insects to their grave, but as time goes on, I am becoming far more acceptant and sparing the lives of these things. I am short of weapons and throwing books or slamming my hand against my face just isn't a high value proposition when there is an endless supply of bugs coming my way.

Today in class we discussed the idea of supreme consciousness and how all bugs and plants and inanimate objects all posses some level of consciousness. I certainly didn't feel bad about all the bugs that I've murdered over the ears, but I kinda felt good about the ones I've spared.

(I was just interrupted while typing this post to kill an annoying fly in my room that was hovering around the ceiling and wouldn't leave)

Despite this latest extermination,
I've miraculously become relaxed with the flies that land on me during asana class. I have somehow managed to make my mind think that the flies are giving me a massage. I know this is complete bullshit, but I'm out of options and sometimes if you know you are fighting a losing battle, you just need to get creative.

Tomorrow comes video of me transitioning from crow to a new headstand form. Trust me it's sexy.