Being appropriate

For the past 4 years, I've been living in fantasy lands. Places where you can get away with saying whatever you want to whoever you want without really having to watch your mouth. Physically and mentally I've more or less been consistent for the past 4 years, but verbally is another story. I like to believe that I had a relatively decent respectable mouth back in 2007, but I've since evolved into a carefree, vulgar, usually inappropriate person in my day-to-day discussions.

There's a few reasons I can identify for this. 1 main one is the Florida Betas an their seemingly invincibility to saying and doing whatever they wanted. It was always incredibly entertaining and I definitely took many lessons from them. Gainesville itself lent itself to extreme "get to the point not beating around the bush" honesty because you could say anything you wanted to any girl and if she didn't like it there were another 50 girls to try it on in. Then throw in China which is just a total joke of reality - I have zero important attachments and zero repercussions for saying/wearing/doing whatever I want. It's fair to say that at least 90% of the expat community and 100% of the chinese community think I'm crazy. And somehow I've thrived in that environment, giving less and less of a shit every day. If something is ridiculous, people expect me to be the one to volunteer to do or say it and I happily oblige. It's liberating to not have any concern about what others think, but the way I've been going about it is definitely a slippery slope.

So here in India, I've made a conscious effort to not be such an outward douchebag. I've been treating the experience like a series of survivor, getting to know most of my fellow students on a personal, familial level. As the only white guy, with all my stories and general character, I've obviously naturally stirred a lot of interest, but instead of padding my ego, I've been toning down my act. I haven't been hitting on any of the girls at all, of which there are definitely a few whom I would have otherwise gone for. This approach is interesting in that it has built me a considerable cache of credibility as opposed to the usual expectations of zaniness.

I haven't been cussing at all, and with the exception of dealing with my injury, I've been in a very positive state of mind. I can't say that I'll stay this way when I return, but I certainly don't miss being vulgar and agitated.

I know that the next month with a group of 9 Ladakhi guides/porters and 5 Trekkers will be an entirely different dynamic than this, which is often like a summer camp. It will definitely be interesting to see how I operate in that environment.